I haven't posted in a while. My grandma died a month ago this week and I haven't figured what I want to say. My granrdma was the kind of grandma everyone wanted and the perfect picture of trhe stereotypical milk and cookies grandma. I've never heard her say an unkind or off color word and the only time I recall her even raising her voice was to keep my grandpa in line, and believe me that was a job in itself.
It's hard to try and pin-point one story or memory to share about her. I'm grateful that being a stay at home mom these last 3 years allowed my children to really spend time with her. She died 2 hours before her 92 birthday, but she was sooo much younger than that. She got sick in May of this year and was in a hospital bed in her living room after that. A few weeks before she got sick, me and the kids spent time with her. I have great pics of the kids rubbing her feet with lotion, with little man sitting in her lap hand feeding her dry cereal and pics at the kitchen table coloring with the kids. My son in particular loved his great grandma and would ask to go see Linsenmeyer. That was how he addressed her. Her name was long enough without adding great grandma.
Each summer my brother and I spent a week at her farm in Oklahoma and she would play cards with us, her favorite was Skip-bo. I definitely took her for granted when I was younger and was actually always more eager to play with my cousins that lived just down the road. We only saw her a couple of times a year, but they were always special times. Grandma loved animals, and I made it my mission each summer to pet everyone of her barn cats. Many were semi-ferrell, and one summer I managed to talk my grandpa into letting me bring the cats into the utility room. I have a great picture of me piled high with cats on and around me. There are 11 grandkids, 3 girls and I was the oldest girl. From early on that made me special to her. Her nickname from early on until her passing was a german phrase "slaztcha Kätzchen." I never knew what that meant until one day in college I had the esteemed honor of eating out with friends including a really cute german football player. Of course I wanted to impress him with german phrases and then asked him what my grandma was calling me. He looked at me funny and then asked if I was sure that what she was saying. and very politely he told me my grandma was calling me Ornery Kitten!! And I have always remained her very, very ornery kitten.
Even though Grandma had been sick and we all knew it was time, her death was still hard. Her funeral was truly beautiful and the pastor that had only known grandma for a short time, did such an amazing job of capturing the essence of grandma. The pastor quoted from Proverbs 31 10-31. 10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her familyand portions for her servant girls. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
The verses in Proverbs were so moving to me. Her family truly was her life work. She did so much and never expeced anything in return, she was a servant of God and a servant to her family. It made me think of my life. Of other women and mothers I know. To often we get caught up in the game of power and importance. I want to be my grandma, concerned with taking care of my family and listening to God's plan for me. Being happy with all the blessings I have and not wanting for excess.
We stayed in OK for a week after the funeral to help my mother and when we returned home my daughter said the most beautiful prayer. After praing for the usual, including our deceased cat she asked God to take care of Great Grandma. "Please help her in Heaven. Help her learn to walk and do things in Heaven." I'm sure there was more to it, but the walking is what stuck with me. And it makes me smile to think of my grandmother reborn as a young angel in Heaven learning an entire new life.
Grandmother was such a beautiful person, gone and never forgotten. Only remembered with smiles, laughter and of course tears.
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Letting Go of Illusions
Last week I got to be part of something amazing! Extreme Makeover Home Edition came to a small town near where I grew up and changed the lives of one family forever. Well actually they changed the lives of many! My mother is friends with several of the women that spear-headed the campaign to get the family a new home and she was so excited for them and couldn't wait to meet the cast. She loves the show! She worked every day from sun up to waaaay past sun down. She called me one day and invited me to tag along with her. And I did feel like a tag-a-long. I didn't know the family personally, I'm not a fan of the show and I felt more like someone hoping to sneak a peak at Ty. I suspect their were a few who showed for that reason!
I quickly learned it didn't matter if I knew the family or not. I now know their personal story and it makes me cry to repeat it to anyone. Strange to have such strong emotions for people I don't know. Immediately after arriving and finding my mom she begins introducing me to everyone! I was so embarrassed and it continued the entire time I worked.
It was so amazing to see so many people volunteering their time. Some friends of the family took a week's vacation so they could work every day. And work they did! Weather was not our friend. It rained for the last few days and by rain, I mean all day and all night. Maybe we shoud have been building an ark instead of a house! Rain or shine the people worked. They worked hard. And for nothing in return. At least nothing tangible! They worked because they cared. They worked because this family needed a new home. They worked because this special little boy inspires them. And I worked. Because it was important to my mom and because it was truly something amazing to be a part of.
I've only seen the ending to maybe two shows, but I still had specific impressions of what would happen. Boy was I wrong! And I left at the end of the week feeling a bit disillussioned. And even a little angry. I have no idea why, but I know anger was part of my emotional roller coaster that week! I think maybe because I knew I was not alone in my impressions and it felt somewhat like fraud or at least false advertising.
That got me thinking about other times in my life I've succumbed to illusion and the ugly feeling of disillusionment. I remember learning my parents were just people, nothing more and nothing less and that just like everyone else they made mistakes and weren't perfect. And sometimes unmasking the illusions were hard and difficult to accept. And then I couln't help thinking about when my own children will learn that I'm not really "super mommy"- that I don't have super powers. I can't alleviate pain with just a kiss, I'm not all-knowing and larger than life. They'll grow up to realize I'm just a regular person without magical powers and in actuality a regular person who is full of IT. I hate that! I don't want them to learn that. I even had to acknowledge that my own husband isn't really a character in a romantic comedy. (of course I'm perfect and full of sunshine)
Last week I learned something about illusions. I created the illusions! They were my impressions and only I can be responsible for choosing to accept reality. I learned that people really do care. I learned that communities DO come together and that community extends much farther than city limit signs. I learned that my mother has a big heart and she wants to share it with me. I learned the importance of supporting special causes and endeavors for members of my family. I learned that reality is sooo much better than a Hollywood illusion! Of course I also realized I need to stop and see people for who they really are and love and accept them when they don't quite match up to MY expectations. Can I really do that? I'm going to try. And next time my mother embarrasses me, maybe I won't be embarrassed. Instead I'll just smile.
I quickly learned it didn't matter if I knew the family or not. I now know their personal story and it makes me cry to repeat it to anyone. Strange to have such strong emotions for people I don't know. Immediately after arriving and finding my mom she begins introducing me to everyone! I was so embarrassed and it continued the entire time I worked.
It was so amazing to see so many people volunteering their time. Some friends of the family took a week's vacation so they could work every day. And work they did! Weather was not our friend. It rained for the last few days and by rain, I mean all day and all night. Maybe we shoud have been building an ark instead of a house! Rain or shine the people worked. They worked hard. And for nothing in return. At least nothing tangible! They worked because they cared. They worked because this family needed a new home. They worked because this special little boy inspires them. And I worked. Because it was important to my mom and because it was truly something amazing to be a part of.
I've only seen the ending to maybe two shows, but I still had specific impressions of what would happen. Boy was I wrong! And I left at the end of the week feeling a bit disillussioned. And even a little angry. I have no idea why, but I know anger was part of my emotional roller coaster that week! I think maybe because I knew I was not alone in my impressions and it felt somewhat like fraud or at least false advertising.
That got me thinking about other times in my life I've succumbed to illusion and the ugly feeling of disillusionment. I remember learning my parents were just people, nothing more and nothing less and that just like everyone else they made mistakes and weren't perfect. And sometimes unmasking the illusions were hard and difficult to accept. And then I couln't help thinking about when my own children will learn that I'm not really "super mommy"- that I don't have super powers. I can't alleviate pain with just a kiss, I'm not all-knowing and larger than life. They'll grow up to realize I'm just a regular person without magical powers and in actuality a regular person who is full of IT. I hate that! I don't want them to learn that. I even had to acknowledge that my own husband isn't really a character in a romantic comedy. (of course I'm perfect and full of sunshine)
Last week I learned something about illusions. I created the illusions! They were my impressions and only I can be responsible for choosing to accept reality. I learned that people really do care. I learned that communities DO come together and that community extends much farther than city limit signs. I learned that my mother has a big heart and she wants to share it with me. I learned the importance of supporting special causes and endeavors for members of my family. I learned that reality is sooo much better than a Hollywood illusion! Of course I also realized I need to stop and see people for who they really are and love and accept them when they don't quite match up to MY expectations. Can I really do that? I'm going to try. And next time my mother embarrasses me, maybe I won't be embarrassed. Instead I'll just smile.
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